C.C. is a single woman in her mid thirties who is just beginning a career in nursing. She initially wanted to be coached on how to attract a relationship. Her biggest challenge was that she could feel a relationship coming, but her enthusiasm to meet and date new men was dampered by disappointment. She continually found herself disappointed by the lack of connection between her and the potential partners she was meeting. This pattern had been ongoing for approximately a 6-8 months, since she had opened herself up to attracting a mate. She couldn't understand why she kept attracting men who were not right for her in one way or another.
During the first coaching session C.C. and I examined what she was attracting that she didn't want, and what she truly wanted in a mate. As we talked C.C. discovered that she enjoyed the company of male friends who weren't necessarily the types of men that she found compatible as a life partner. But her openess to attract a partner sent the signal to these men whom she wanted to be only friends, that she may be available for a relationship with them. After some examination of her most recent date, she realized that there was a point leading up to the date where she could have communicated a clear boundary which would have prevented her from going down the path of a disappointing date. Once she became aware of what she was communicating and how she could have done it differently, she felt much more confident in her ability to stop the cycle of dating men who were not her best match.
Then our attention turned to attracting her best match. C.C. expressed that she could feel that a relationship with an ideal mate was right around the corner. When I asked her what he was like she gave a superficial description of characteristics and stated that she would know him by the way she felt when she was with him. I suggested to her that she start writing to this man in her journal to pull out more of these feelings so she would recognize them even more clearly as time went on. In the time between sessions she did this diligently and discovered that as she wrote she felt so filled up with love that attracting the relationship was no longer a big issue in her life.
In our second session C.C. had moved past the relationship issue feeling that it was inevitable, and wanted to turn her attention to her living situation. She knew that she wanted to move, but wasn't sure if it was the best decision. During this session she discovered that the reason she hasn't attracted a mate is because she feels that she must create more stability in her life (such as starting a new career), and upgrade her living environment. This moment of realization gave her the confidence and clarity she needed to sever her lease and move forward into a living situation where she felt more fully herself and ready to start a relationship.
This story was printed with the permission of the client.
